Vidah Ryan

Are There Important Reasons to Love Someone?

From the perspective of someone married for over 30 years, I have seen many wonderful relationships and also those that haven’t been as successful. There is no secret recipe to having a strong happy marriage or relationship. As everyone is unique, so is every relationship.

Here are the 5 most important reasons I have been with my husband for such a long length of time

• Support and belief
• Trust and loyalty
• Kindness and respect
• Humor and laughter
• Shared values and experiences

Support and belief:

I can honestly say that no matter how much support I need in anything in my life – at home and for work, I know he will be there for me. If I need him to help around the home when I am feeling sick or just have a lot more work than usual that needs to get done – he will do extra household tasks, cook more often or adjust expectations of things that we need completed. I never have to explain or ask, he’ll just know. Of course I reciprocate whenever he needs my support as well. It really is a give and take and can’t be one sided.

Belief in each other goes hand in hand with support. To truly support you, they have to believe in you. They have to be your #1 cheerleader to give you strength in the tough times when you don’t believe in yourself. They know you sometimes more than you know yourself and can help build confidence. I can’t remember all the times when I questioned what I could accomplish. He believed I would be a great mother and a great leader. I don’t think I could have aspired to be more than what he already knew I could be.

Trust and loyalty:

If you can’t trust someone, how can you possibly have a healthy relationship? Without trust, your relationship would be filled with questions and doubt. You need to trust them more than anyone else in the world. This is where loyalty comes in. You need to know that you trust this person with your life and he will be loyal to your relationship and life together.

This seems like such a simple concept but I have seen more relationships fail due to lack of trust than almost any other reason. Staying with someone you don’t trust will never give you happiness.

Kindness and respect:

What drives me crazy is when I see people who show kindness to others and not to someone they are in a relationship with. Why would you show a stranger kindness when you can’t even show kindness to your partner in life? It all begins at home. Random and consistent acts of kindness should be a daily occurrence. There should be the kind words of gratitude, the kind gesture to hold the door and open the door for them at the restaurant, covering you with a blanket when they notice you are cold or taking your glasses off after you have fallen asleep unexpectedly. These seem like such small things but they mean a lot.

In conjunction with kindness is respect. You need to respect each others choices and quirks. No one is perfect and they need to respect every part of who you are. We all have those weird traits or habits that may drive you a little crazy. Does he make a mess brushing his teeth? Does he sing weird songs and dance in the shower? It doesn’t matter what it is. Respect means you love them unconditionally and the person they are. If you try to change them, then can you say you truly respect them? Even if you disagree with a decision they’ve made, you still need to respect those decisions or negotiate different decisions together. Compromise and negotiation are part of any healthy relationship.

Humor and laughter:

Life is too short to be serious all the time. You need someone who can laugh with you, at you and at themselves. This humor and laughter will make the tough times a little easier. This will make the glass half full versus glass half empty. True joy is when you can smile and laugh enough to overshadow the sadness and fear in your life. It is easy to be negative and complain about all the terrible things in your life. It is harder to create and accept joy. When you can find someone who makes you laugh everyday – there is nothing better.

Shared values and experiences:

You must share the same values to be successful as a couple. These are the core principles that dictate so much of who you are as a person. Without the same values, how do you raise your children? How do you agree on what is right and wrong? How do build a life together? Opposites can attract when it comes to being spontaneous versus predictable, outgoing versus introverted or organized versus messy. But you can’t be opposites when it comes to values or your relationship will be filled with arguments and regret.

As you add more years to your relationship, shared experiences form the solid foundation of your commitment to one another. You now start to build a history together. Moments and memories that only the two of you share. This is a bond that is difficult to break. When you have children, it’s sharing that child’s birth, their first step and first words, losing their first tooth, their sports activities that you watched together in the bleachers, good reports, bad report cards, funny and annoying times during adolescence, graduation, marriage and then eventually grandkids.

These shared experiences include all the meals together, birthdays, anniversaries, baptisms, funerals and friend get togethers. It is sharing times like work parties, day trips out of the city, date nights, family celebrations and vacations. It is all the times you have complained about your boss, all the different jobs you’ve had, promotions, lay off’s, career movement up the corporate ladder and late nights working or business trips you are sent on.

It is all the shared experiences we take for granted like shoveling the sidewalk together, all the movies you have watched together at home, all the series you have enjoyed, all the coffee you have made and had together, all the hugs given for the good and bad times and kisses just to show affection.

Whatever your 5 or 10 important reasons for being with the person you love, just reflect on them as often as possible. Part of being in a successful relationship is reflecting on why you love each other. Acknowledgement and gratitude go a long way.

Find someone to love and love you in return…totally worthwhile.

**Please support my 1st Book:

I’m Okay! – Canada (Children’s Book)

I’m Okay! – USA (Children’s Book)

#kidsbooks #grief #siblings #life